Life for me has been an adventure full of many lessons---hard lessons. Of the many things I have learned is, hurt is inevitable. This is a harsh truth that most people fail to accept. The reality of life is: as long as you are living, you can expect to be served a few cold dishes of hurt. That is just the way the cookie crumbles. In fact, you can even expect those dishes to be served by the ones you love the most. It's all a part of living, and no matter what you do, you'll never be able to escape or control the share of hurt you will receive. It's an arduous task not worth attempting. The only thing you have the ability to control pertaining to hurt is, the way that you choose deal with it. When making a decision, there are only two options to consider when dealing with hurt. You can either heal from it or you can hide from it. The choice is yours!
If you make the [wise] choice of healing instead of hiding, be certain that you actually heal from the hurt. Don't make the mistake of tricking yourself into thinking that you are healed. False healing seems to be the new art that everyone is mastering; and to be honest, it does far more damage than it does any good. False healing will seem viable for some time, but eventually reality will show up to the front door of your life, greeting you with everything you refused to heal from. The worst thing that can happen, and the very last thing you want to happen is, to one day discover that you never healed. It would be a tragedy to get so far along in life only to realize that you've spent so much time in a prison of false healing, bound by your own unwillingness to do what is necessary for you to heal and get over what happened to you. Hiding and/or pretending to be healed isn't advantageous It's just hurtful because eventually you will find yourself back at the point of your hurt; and then, you will have no other choice but to deal and heal.
I urge you to get to the root of why you are avoiding healing. Is it because you fear being hurt in the presence of people who are seemingly whole? If that be the case, allow me to share a little truth with you: most of the people who appear whole in public, are actually broken in private. Are you avoiding healing and living in false pretense because you value your titles, positions, and status more than you value your emotional wholeness? Is it because you have become so consumed with maintaining an image that you ignore your soul's cry for healing and wholeness? Whatever your reasons are for avoiding true healing, get rid of them. You can only hide behind your smile, career, title, luxurious car, and expensive items for so long. It is only a matter of time before the veil is pulled and your wounds! Do you really want your wounds to be exposed in front of the very people you spent so much time trying to be healed in front of? No, you don't! In fact, if they are hindering your healing process, get away from them and get around individuals who will help you heal. You must treat the broken areas of your life. If you don't, the wounds will become deeper; and deeper wounds require longer healing. For this reason, your best bet is to grant healing permission to have its perfect work in your life.
Aside from the person who simply avoids healing, there's another type of person. The person that never gets healed because they won't allow themselves to be angry about what happened to them. Some people have turned their "anger switch" completely off, forfeiting themselves the chance of being angry. They've programmed themselves to forgive right away instead of becoming upset. They suppress their feelings and sweep everything under the rug. Pause for a brief moment. In case you didn't know: such behavior is unhealthy for your emotional wellness. Suppressed feelings will resurface. Therefore, it's best to deal with the issue before it deals with you. Okay. Back to the subject at hand! I don't want you to misinterpret the point I'm attempting to convey here. Yes, you ought to forgive and you should also forgive quickly. However, there are no time regulations attached to "quickly". Forgiving quickly simply means that you must forgive eventually. There's something many people misunderstand about true forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't true unless it is done wholly and purely. How can one forgive wholly and purely if they don't allow themselves time to be mad about what happened to them? Many will argue my point and say it's not morally acceptable to be angry before you forgive! Well, I'll argue that point on this account: when you are dealing with a broken heart, it places you in a position that is hard to come out of. Why? It's because a broken heart doesn't come alone. It's accompanied by bruised feelings, confusion, emotional numbness, pain, and the like. Each of these feelings can become "forgiveness blockers" and the longer you take to accept and deal with them, is the longer they will block your ability to forgive. Once you take the time to tend to your hurt feelings, you can then enter the forgiveness process .
With that said, I admonish you to give yourself permission to be upset. That's right! You read correctly. Give yourself permission to be be angry about what happened to you! Anger is a natural emotion felt by all of humanity. Contrary to the beliefs of many, being angry can yield positive results when done properly. How so? It's simple! After you've permitted yourself to be angry, you obtain the courage and power to forgive the offender, and overcome the offense. Extending forgiveness and moving on from the unfortunate things that has happened to you, is positive, right? I thought so, too! Likewise, in forgiving your offender, you free yourself from the mendacity that leads you to believe that what happened to you, was your fault. It wasn't your fault. It was merely a portion of your process which ties into the ultimate purpose of your existence.
I said all of that to say, don't spend another day of your life living as if you are healed when you KNOW that you're broken and deeply hurting. Get over your fears and face the hurt so that you can heal. The moment you give yourself the gift of healing, flowers of immeasurable joy and happiness will blossom in the garden of your life. But that's not the best part. The best aspect of healing, to me, are the scars for they are symbols of strength and survival--reminding you that what you went through, didn't kill you!
Accept it. Be angry about it.
Forgive it.
Stop believing it's your fault.
Be healed from it!
