RESIDUE

Have you ever stained your clothes and threw them into the washer, hoping that they will come out without any evidence of what you spilled on them? Then, to your dismay, you can still see the mark...the residue...the place where the spill happened before the stain. It is pretty ironic how much forgiveness, healing, and moving on can sometimes fit this exact scenario. 

Let me explain....

We forgive what took place, our hearts are healed, and we begin to move towards a brighter day--but we didn't pause to consider the need to prepare for the residue...the reminder of the thing that scorned us severely.

Not too long ago, I took a trip to the barbershop with a good friend prior to heading downtown for a radio interview. There we were, waiting on a barber's chair to become available. Sitting directly across from me, was a father and son. Instantly, seeing their interaction sent me backstroking in euphoric tidal waves. So many feelings rushed violently through my mind as this sight agitated the un-fathered little boy inside of me. The whole time, I fought to keep it together. Despite my efforts, I couldn't avoid thinking about how my father never took me to the barbershop on Saturdays to get my haircut. I was overjoyed to see that father and son bonds are existent although they are rarities, but I was saddened to witness something that I always wished I had.

My father was absent for most of my life. Although, he recently returned, we have never experienced each other's presence. Nevertheless, I forgave him years ago--which is why I cannot wrap my mind around why I was so distraught seeing this father and son in the barbershop. If I forgave him for being absent, why was that moment so grueling for me?  Why did I land on the edge of bitterness?

What at that moment appeared to be a depression tactic was actually a life lesson in disguise. It taught me: forgiveness never guarantees a future without any reminders of WHAT or WHO you forgave. It is no different than the soiled clothing that comes out of the wash with residue- even though it was washed, it still has stains. 

It's not enough to just forgive. You have to hide tools in your heart that will help you deal with the aftermath.  Your sanity and growth depends on it. Don't get caught unprepared for the unexpected. That was my failure in forgiving my dad--I forgot to remember tomorrow. I never kept in the forefront of my mind that there would be memories and reminders. But...now I know. I'll be ready for the residue next time!

Dear God,

Teach our hearts how to handle the residue. May it never make us regress to where we have been delivered from. Give us the audacity to never yield to bitterness when we are unexpectedly standing in the face of anything that resembles yesterday's anguish. On those days when thoughts of what we cannot change becomes burdensome, I pray our faith whispers a gentle reminder of your plans for our future.

Signed,

Still Growing In Grace

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