12 Insiders for Handling & Understanding Gifted People

Being gifted and talented is a blessing.....until you encounter people that don't know how to deal with you properly.

Here are 12 insiders for HANDLING & UNDERSTANDING us Gifted People:

• Creative beings can read your energy and motives without much effort - because those attributes are important to us. If your vibes aren't positive, we'll disconnect in order to guard our space and peace.

• Please don't make us wait on you to pay us - especially if we didn't make you wait on us for the service you requested. Whether you know it or not, the services an [full time] entrepreneur renders, in most cases, is their only source of income. You have no idea the stress that waiting on money to pay bills, save towards a goal, or just to see tangible fruit for your labor, brings

• We think very differently than most. Our train of thought is often confusing to the people we share ideas, dreams, and plans with. If you're ever fortunate enough to be the ear that a dreamer trusts, do your best to listen carefully and without judgement even when you don't understand fully. Most times, the only thing needed is a listening ear, not a response.

• No one on earth is accused for "acting funny" or being "Hollywood" quite like we are. Trust, we have solid reasons for not doing certain things or being seen everywhere. In the entrepreneurial world, image is all you have. So whatever it takes to protect our brand/name, that's exactly what we'll do.
• As much as we'd like to use our friends for everything, the reality is, some endeavors will demand new partnerships. When you're not picked for something, don't be upset, and still support--unless being included is what controls your loyalty--and if that's the case, that's another issue in itself.

• When doing business with us, honesty up front is the way to go! Put it all on the table in the beginning. Doing so is beneficial to all parties involved, and keeps the door wide open for future opportunities. 

• Much to the contrary, gifted people are normal people. I promise you! There are days when all we want to do is be regular, to freely exist beyond our creative abilities without any pressure. Don't strip us of that beautiful privilege. Don't place unrealistic/unfair expectations on our shoulders. 

• Time is the dreamer's oxygen. It's everything to us. If we give it to you, value it.If you don't? You won't get multiples times to waste time with a dreamer. 

• Being "in" with us means that you get to see what's underneath the gift, what's inside of our minds and hearts, as well as the private struggles and failures that the public is blind to. As someone that's close, help cover us. And, you'll know what "cover" fits each instance.

• A creative's biggest pet peeve is being compared. Congratulations are fine. Criticisms (gentle, but honest) are welcomed as well. But please spare us the comparisons;--even though you may mean well--it's not as complimenting as you think; and it really robs us of our individualism. 

• If our moods switch suddenly, and for what may seem like "no reason at all", just let us have our moment.

• You haven't seen spontaneous until you've been around a creative person. Yes, we're the type of people to imagine something at 3:05am, call you with the idea at 3:06am, and will be ready to execute it by 3:07am. It's just how we're wired. Best way to respond? Just go with the flow. 

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The Danger of Needing to Be Needed

Having a dire need to be needed is a sure set up for a slow fall down a painful slope. It's a dangerous thing to live your life desperately wanting someone to embrace you.

I'm not speaking of anything I heard or researched, this is indeed what I know, what I've lived. 

At one point - and even now at times - I wrestled with this disease of needing to be needed. I needed people to call me for the job. I thought less of myself if my phone never rang with someone soliciting my ideas or input. God forbid if there was something happening that I had the skills for but wasn't asked to participate in. You see, I convinced myself that my ultimate worth was built on what others needed from me. Consequently, if I ever got the impression that I wasn't needed, I immediately discredited my existence. Yeah, it's that dangerous.

Here's Step 1 to conquer this disease: Realize that you have worth independent of relationships and what you have to offer. What you bring to the table adds to your worth, it doesn't determine your worth. When I realized I mattered even if no one ever needed me, I collided with freedom.

Another danger with this disease is the habit of creating dependability to ensure that you're always needed. This means, you do everything in your power to be sure you're being counted on....even if it involves positioning yourself to be misused and taken advantage of. When you're hungry for acceptance, you become addicted to compromise and foolish investments; and eventually, you become severely numb to abuse and mistreatment, mistaking it for love and acceptance.

If you haven't already figured it out, dependability is a monster; it's the cousin of dysfunction. And dysfunction is a bigger beast than the disease of needing to be needed. Entertain it long enough and you're bound to destroy the most precious assets that exist in your life. 

Here's Step 2: Settle in your spirit that you can be successful at getting someone to depend on you, yet fail at getting them to love you. It's so key to understand that being depended on doesn't automatically translate into appreciation or love.

If we're to be candid for a quick second, wanting to be loved is the primary underlying motive of forcing dependency. We figure that it's a 2-for-1 special, totally oblivious to the truth that, what we think is a cure is actually a curse.

You know what the greatest danger of all is when it comes to having a need to be needed? The lost of self. Eventually, you will lose yourself trying to fit in places void of the capacity to hold you. The mindset that we have to adopt is,"I won't be needed everywhere, but I'm necessary somewhere." Your love, gifts, presence, and purpose belong and they matter. Value them too much to force them where they don't fit. We were designed to be everything everywhere and to everyone. 

2 Simple Steps to Guarding Your Heart!

Protecting your heart is both good and necessary. It has exponential benefits when done the right way. What's the right way? Well, to begin with, you must understand that guarding your heart does not start and stop at the entryway. After you have granted someone/something access, there's still more to do. 

Wise is the soul that carefully monitors the activity happening on the inside to be sure that illegal access wasn't given.

Let's consider a corporate building. The moment you arrive, you are subject to a security check point before you are allowed to go to your designated location. That doesn't mean that you're a threat; it just means that necessary steps are being taken to ensure that you have a right to be there and you're not a risk to the security of the building or its occupants. Yet, it doesn't stop there. Do you think that just because someone makes it pass the security booth, that means they are no longer under surveillance? Absolutely not. In fact, in most cases, the surveillance is more thorough beyond the entrance--as it should be. Why? People are capable of pretending well enough to "look the part" to win the access needed to accomplish their ulterior motives. Deception has a longstanding reputation of getting people into places (hearts) they're no good for.

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We have to treat our hearts with the same type of surveillance that's found at a corporate building. It's not enough to only check things (people, emotions, thoughts) at the door; we must closely monitor the activity that is going on. What are they doing? Is their access an advantage or disadvantage? Has their motives changed for the worst since being let it? What's become of your life since you granted them entry? Whatever is on the inside of you is the paint your heart uses with every stroke that touches the canvas of your life. If hate is on the inside, the heart can't paint love. If no good people are on the inside, the heart can't paint a life that reflects healthy connections.

To this end, the 2 effective steps to make sure that you heart is always guarded are:

1. Thoroughly check to see if "it" is safe to let in.

2. Constantly evaluate to see if "it" is safe to enough to remain.

This is my last point and I'll let you go: guard your heart with wisdom, not walls. If walls are surrounding your heart, nothing that belongs can enter and anything that doesn't belong can't exit.

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That Awkward Moment In The Shower When.................

This blog entry is pretty funny to me, but I hope the core of the message will resonate with you.

For months, there was a stye located on my left eye. It wasn't the normal one. This stye actually hung over my bottom eyelid. If you're reading this and we've been in the same room, you know what I'm talking about. On some days, a little piece would be over the lid; and on some days, it was so much skin hanging over my lid you'd think God had given me a third eye.

In an effort to get rid of it, I tried everything. Warm compression. Home remedies. Emergency room. Fervent-tongue talking-calling fire from Heaven's furnace-prayer. At some points, the sty would shrink but it wouldn't be long before it would puff up again, ultimately making all of my efforts of no avail. So what did I eventually do? I accepted it as a new part of my appearance. I hated that it was there because it was weird having people stare and ask questions and because many of my GOOD selfies were ruined by this disruptive little beast. But when something has been a part of you for so long, accepting it seems natural. The things we can't change despite our best efforts usually become the things we settle for by default rather than desire.

Fast forward to about a week ago. By now, the stye had FINALLY reduced in size, so much so that it wasn't visible and the only way to see it was by pulling my lid downwards. Ain't God good? I was super happy because the timing couldn't be more perfect. It was almost time for my big weekend of celebrating the one year book-a-versary of my debut book [Shades of Grace - available on Amazon.com :-)] and a part of this weekend included a photo shoot with Mayweather Images for marketing and branding. As the date for the shoot got closer, my biggest fear was that the stye would enlarge and ruin a shoot we worked so hard to put together. When I noticed that the stye started to protrude over my lid again, that fear was fed.

Not wanting high hopes to land me at disappointment, I made myself accept that there just MIGHT be a possibility of the unfortunate occurring. That was my way of nursing a wound that didn't exist. I wanted to resolve a problem I didn't have......yet. Then, the unthinkable happened.

As I normally do in the shower, I prayed, I worshiped. While doing so, something awkward happened with my eye and it prompted me to glance at the shower floor; so I glanced and noticed a reddish piece of something on the floor in the shape of a dot. I picked it up and it turned out to be the stye that I NEVER expected to get rid of completely. Here I was absolutely happy that it reduced in size even though it was still there. As long as it wasn't noticeable, that was enough for me. There was a sense of contentment that came independent of a desire for more. 

All that to say: the things you've forced yourself to accept because you've counted out the idea of them ever being removed are about to DROP off of your life....and it's going to happen in the blink of an eye.....just as it did for me. The most amazing detail is NOT that the stye is gone, but rather the timing of everything. It amazes me how God will do the very thing you've been waiting on AFTER you've dismissed the hope of it ever happening just to prove the perfection of His timing. 

I really just wrote this to inform somebody's heart that: God's timing may frustrate you, but it'll never fail you. It's still worth trusting!

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How 2014 Made Me Unstoppable!

I believe that a private life is a happy  life, but I also believe that opening your life up just enough can provide a beam of light for someone else's life. So, here we go....

A little over a year ago, I relocated to Atlanta from New Jersey.  For personal reasons, I made the transition without warning a lot of people. Some were offended; some were understanding; and others speculated that I moved because golden opportunities were on the table--but very few knew that the move was actually a remedy to escape complete homelessness. Prior to boarding an evening flight to ATL, I spent over a month with my head barely above the waters of uncertainty. Nothing about my tomorrows were predictable so I took on every day with zero guarantees and whatever faith I could find for that day. Everyone was encountering Khas but no one discerned the fragmented spirit that was in their presence. I went to church, hung out with friends, attended events and meetings, assisted with projects, and so on. Although I was present, nobody really knew the sacrifice that showing up was for me.

Since moving from New Jersey, I've scored some major highs and I've also suffered some disconcerting lows - but you know what? God was ever present.  It's not that He wasn't before,  but something about affliction and bad days heightened my awareness to recognize His nearness.  I discovered that it was easier to invite God into my brokenness rather than believe my reality had to be perfect before I could engage His presence. That revelation remains my saving grace to this day.

As this year closes, I'm most thankful for the sustaining power of God's presence.  I've felt His presence rescue me from depression and refuse to let me give attention to suicidal thoughts. I've felt God's presence hug me when I was exhausted from pretending to be okay. More than ever before,  I know what it means for the name of the Lord to be a strong tower. When I've had nothing,  I had that name. On days when I couldn't compose a fancy prayer with big words and scriptural phrases, I learned the simplicity and power of just saying "Jesus".

2014 has taught me a lot,  but my most favorite and most valuable lesson is: nothing in this life is strong enough to separate me from the (limitless) LOVE of God! That love got me out here feeling like I'm unstoppable.

Dear 2015, I'm ready for you...

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RESTART vs. RESTORE

I am always on the computer. If you are ever looking for me, more often than not, you can find me somewhere operating on one. Be it for business purposes or the usual leisure time, a good portion of my day is spent with a computer. So, considering my frequent use of it, there is not much that I do not know about them. Although I am by no means an expert, I do have adequate knowledge and abilities regarding working computers.  

Very recently, an error message that showed up on the laptop screen had changed my perspective on life in an unusual way. This message is nothing that I had not seen before. It was common and basic, until I read it with new eyes. What I experienced in that one moment of being enlightened has taught me a lesson I refuse to forget. Oprah would refer to it as an “aha moment.”  I will call it an epiphany, or a revelation, if you will.

The power chord came out and because the laptop was not charged enough to be sustained without it, the computer shut down on its own accord. Once powered back on, I went to get back on the internet to finish what I was doing. As normal in this case, I was greeted by an error message that read:  GOOGLE CHROME SHUT DOWN UNEXPECTEDLY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO RESTORE YOUR PREVIOUS TABS? Again, I had seen this exact message countless times before, but when I read it this time, it was different, it was fresh. It intrigued me this time. My heart appreciated that I didn't have to start over. I was happy to know that everything I was working on was not lost, as the result of an unexpected shutdown.

Being able to get back to the point you were before something went wrong, and having the chance to continue as if you never stopped, is the true epitome of grace. Grace always allows you to recover without forcing you to start over; it lets you begin again without going back to the beginning. That's grace! 

This principle of restoration is so vital to various aspects of our personal life. Before I delve into that, I want to present the definitions for the words restart and restore.

RESTART:  start again.
RESTORE:  bring back (a previous right, practice, custom, or situation); reinstate; or return (someone or something) to a former condition, place, or position.

In my opinion, the primary aspect of life the principle of restoration is most applicable to is relationships.  As I am talking about relationships, do bear in mind that I am using the word very loosely—therefore, I am referencing any type of relationship.

When relationships become strained, regardless of the reason, one of the first questions we ask ourself is: is this even worth it anymore?  This question is evidence that we are somewhere in between staying or leaving. To go is the choice that usually wins.

Before you make any abrupt decisions, you should always consider these points:

1. Check yourself. Have you considered your words and actions? Relationships are made up of more than one person and it will require all parties involved to share the responsibility of maintaining that relationship. The frustration, tension, misunderstanding, can be the result of something you did or did not do.

2. Have a conversation. Conversations can be the saving grace of relationships. Don’t be afraid to respectfully communicate your feelings. When you opt to talk through things, be careful to listen and understand before you proceed to respond. Understanding does not necessarily insinuate agreement; however, it does establish unity.

3. Reach a mutual conclusion. Any real relationship is not made up of absolute agreement, but that does not have to keep you from being on the same page, in the same book. Sometimes you have to meet somewhere in the middle and develop a plan of action that suits all parties involved so that you can move forward peaceably and respectfully.

As you have noticed, none of the above steps indicate that you should restart—and that was intentional. Too often we create new beginnings when all that is needed is a new method.

Relationships—that are true in nature—carry a significant purpose. In essence, if the relationship is full of chaos and empty of purpose, that suggests that separation is the rightful option. However, if that is not the case, you need to create a new plan that makes continuing a possibility.

I hope this helps! Share this blog---someone you know may need it.

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I Am NOT Mike Brown

I'm enraged. I'm vexed. I'm one of thousands of Black Americans frustrated by the undeserved injustice served on our plates of humanity.  I am one that shares the dark, daunting thought that makes one contemplate: "who will be next?".

I'm disgusted by the blatant disregard law enforcement (or anyone else) has for the black race. I'm saddened that the system that was built to provide liberty and justice for all, only seems to lavish it upon some.

But...I'm not Mike Brown. We are not Mike Brown.

We are people with a responsibility to honor Mike's life, not only with a pursuit for his justice;  but through the implementation of lasting change that will penetrate our culture and unify our community. We have the responsibility to ignite flames of change that will transcend this present moment of despair; change that will inspire the legacy Mike Brown was robbed of a chance to build.

The nationwide rallies and protests are commendable, and proof of our strength under pressure. The uproar gives voice to our  frustrations and places a demand on the law to crown our efforts with justice. But, if we are given the results we expect and so rightfully deserve,  what happens next?  Will it be back to community as usual?  Will the next community effort only be initiated after innocent blood has been shed?

In observing all that is happening presently and reflecting on how many times we've been here as a race and a nation before,  I seem to find one thing consistent: today's communities are full of aftermath activists. Our concern and fight for change is only activated by unfair treatment and injustice. That has to shift urgently or we grant continuation to this vicious cycle.

I imagine how much more reverence and fair treatment we'd receive if our voices were just as loud on days we weren't standing face to face and toe to toe with oppression. We can't escape evil altogether; but we can make it think twice about visiting us or gunning down another young soul.

The goal here is not to stir up controversy or come off as insensitive,  because I carry a piece of this pain just like so many others.  However, I am endeavoring to raise awareness about what activism and community building can do when it's constant and not situational.

All I'm really saying is: it's time!

It's time that we stood tall on the shoulders of our ancestors and the courageous civil rights leaders of the past. It's time for a civil rights movement that is ever moving and never void of momentum.  It's time for the reclaiming of our dignity and value.  It's time!

For Those Offended by Transition

To truly value someone is to respect what is best for them, even when it no longer includes you. Time has a tendency to present change that no one can see coming beforehand; and it forces you to redefine your normalcy and learn ways to survive without something/someone that was once constant in your environment. Many times, tomorrow will change who a person is in your life today---against their desire and yours.

This year, from a personal account and distant observations, I have noticed how people "get in their feelings" and take offense to transitions they either can't accept or comprehend. Thus, they do things like, bleed over social media with Instagram quotes about backstabbing or subliminal Facebook posts highlighted in shade. Yes, we see you!

But I wonder: have we gotten so comfortable with people's roles in our lives that we have eliminated the possibility of them ever growing beyond us? It seems that loving people and appreciating their contributions has transformed into restrictive boundaries that are unfair and unrealistic. Perhaps that explains the struggle many have with releasing people when inevitable transition comes into play.

I don't want to harp on tediously about this subject, but I need to drop these 3 points and then go take my shower:

WHO SAID IT WAS A FOREVER THING ANYWAY?
Nothing lasts forever. That's a cliché, but its truth is always proven through life's twists and turns. The mistake we make is becoming so familiar with a person's presence, we don't know how to be left. As a result, we harbor ill feelings for the person leaving us.

LET THEM GROW ON
You may not understand their transition or fully agree with the timing of their decision, but respect it anyway. Why should they have to sacrifice their growth at the altar of your selfishness? Furthermore, regardless of the position you hold in anyone's life, that doesn't render you the power to dictate their growth processes; and it certainly doesn't grant you permission to make them feel guilty for going in the direction of their new beginning. If their tenure with you has significance, you'd be able to put your feelings on pause long enough to give them them your blessings and well wishes.

RESPECT THE HISTORY
There are few things worse than someone who has the kind of loyalty that only lasts as long as the relationship does. Those that understand the concept of unconditional loyalty, also possess the ability to respect the history that's there. It puts your immaturity on full display when you contrive an enemy of someone that never had an agenda to offend you. And, it speaks low volumes of your integrity when you use conversations as a tool to make someone develop disdain toward a person they don't know or a situation that doesn't include them (even if they know the person).

Listen! If handling separation seems to be arduous for you, a heart check is the best prescription. The solution isn't to make them your problem; but instead, explore those internal issues that stifles your ability to cope with change. Everyone has to face the experience of others transitioning out of their life. Learn to be okay with it because being offended by it won't change anything.

#TheGraceFactor
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RESIDUE

Have you ever stained your clothes and threw them into the washer, hoping that they will come out without any evidence of what you spilled on them? Then, to your dismay, you can still see the mark...the residue...the place where the spill happened before the stain. It is pretty ironic how much forgiveness, healing, and moving on can sometimes fit this exact scenario. 

Let me explain....

We forgive what took place, our hearts are healed, and we begin to move towards a brighter day--but we didn't pause to consider the need to prepare for the residue...the reminder of the thing that scorned us severely.

Not too long ago, I took a trip to the barbershop with a good friend prior to heading downtown for a radio interview. There we were, waiting on a barber's chair to become available. Sitting directly across from me, was a father and son. Instantly, seeing their interaction sent me backstroking in euphoric tidal waves. So many feelings rushed violently through my mind as this sight agitated the un-fathered little boy inside of me. The whole time, I fought to keep it together. Despite my efforts, I couldn't avoid thinking about how my father never took me to the barbershop on Saturdays to get my haircut. I was overjoyed to see that father and son bonds are existent although they are rarities, but I was saddened to witness something that I always wished I had.

My father was absent for most of my life. Although, he recently returned, we have never experienced each other's presence. Nevertheless, I forgave him years ago--which is why I cannot wrap my mind around why I was so distraught seeing this father and son in the barbershop. If I forgave him for being absent, why was that moment so grueling for me?  Why did I land on the edge of bitterness?

What at that moment appeared to be a depression tactic was actually a life lesson in disguise. It taught me: forgiveness never guarantees a future without any reminders of WHAT or WHO you forgave. It is no different than the soiled clothing that comes out of the wash with residue- even though it was washed, it still has stains. 

It's not enough to just forgive. You have to hide tools in your heart that will help you deal with the aftermath.  Your sanity and growth depends on it. Don't get caught unprepared for the unexpected. That was my failure in forgiving my dad--I forgot to remember tomorrow. I never kept in the forefront of my mind that there would be memories and reminders. But...now I know. I'll be ready for the residue next time!

Dear God,

Teach our hearts how to handle the residue. May it never make us regress to where we have been delivered from. Give us the audacity to never yield to bitterness when we are unexpectedly standing in the face of anything that resembles yesterday's anguish. On those days when thoughts of what we cannot change becomes burdensome, I pray our faith whispers a gentle reminder of your plans for our future.

Signed,

Still Growing In Grace

---
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Not Ready Enough; Not Good Enough

We are all wanting and waiting for something in life. Some a new job or bigger house. Some a book deal or acceptance into the college or university of their choice; and others, a relationship that brings a sense of fulfillment they haven’t felt in some time.

Regardless of what we have or how content we are with the current state of life, there is a yearning in our hearts that cultivates a desire for better; for more; for growth. But it seems that somewhere between wanting and waiting, we arrive at the complexity of trying to be “ready enough” or “good enough” and we become stuck, never obtaining anything. We burden ourselves by attempting to master perfection when consistent preparation is all that it really takes.

For me, inexperience with book publishing could have easily qualified me as not “ready enough”; but I didn't give it the power to.  Instead, I decided to trust those who had the experience and were willing to advise and instruct me through the process.  You may not have all that you think you need to get started; but someone does. Substitute self-sufficiency with beneficial relationships.

For you, each time you come across a good thing, your “I’m not good enough” mentality makes you sabotage what has potential to become what you've been wanting and waiting for. But here's the simple truth we frequently omit: living in the truth of who you are--being the best version of yourself-- is what makes you good enough, not the unrealistic standards you've been struggling to live up to. 

If there is one thing I have apprehended about life, it is: the choices we refuse to make and the mentalities we decide to accept are oftentimes why our desires don't make it beyond our hearts into our realities. 

How many more moments are you willing to lose at the expense of not being "good enough" or "ready enough? I promise if you let faith fill the places that are occupied by improbable fantasies, your ambitions will become tangible. 

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Message For the Dreamers

Over the last few months, I have worked tirelessly on my debut book, Shades Of Grace, that is currently available on Amazon.com. The writing and publishing process was a journey full of joys, doubts, excitement, and most of all, lessons. So, I thought I would share some of those lessons with you briefly.

Here they are...

Your dream needs you more than it needs anyone.  Whatever you are working towards needs your tenacity, motivation, and diligence. The accolades and support from those on the outside looking in is nice to have, but they are not necessities in any manner. You can't ever allow people to become a priority when it comes to your dream. Regardless of who comes or goes, the sole responsibility to bring the vision into full fruition belongs to nobody but you. 

Don’t be deterred by lip service. Your journey as a dreamer will include individuals who speak words that are void of value. Many people will make promises that sound pleasing to your ear, but in all reality, the intention to commit is dubious. Never allow someone’s words to hold so much weight that it causes you to stop and wait for them to do what they said. If you stay focused and faithful to what you are working on, favor and provision will come to you.

Expect disconnection. If you are going to be a dreamer, you have to be willing to pay the uncomfortable price of separation. A lot of the people who are there at the conception of the dream, won’t be there at its completion. It’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. The pursuit of a dream is about growth and most times growth challenges you to outgrow some people, places, and even habits.

Accept useful criticism. One of the hardest things to do is hear someone tell you what’s wrong about your work. It doesn’t make you feel good at all; but useful criticism is the key to becoming efficient at what you do. More often than you might prefer, there will be plenty of opinions and critiques (mostly unsolicited) given to you. Instead of becoming upset or discouraged, take what can work for you and leave the rest. It’s all about knowing what advice to trust and what advice to ignore.

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Leading While Bleeding

Leading While Bleeding

Leaders must be perfect in all of their ways. They aren't allowed to get it wrong and they certainly cannot have a bad day. The only people who should miss the mark and mess up are the "normal people". Where did we develop these outlandish standards from? Why do we carry such unrealistic expectations of people? Why have we exalted leaders and placed them on pedestals their human natures cannot sustain them on? The unfair opinions and judgments are making leaders avoid seeking help because society expects them to be invulnerable and without flaws. Sadly, nobody seems to realize the damage being done. 

Across the world, leading while bleeding has becoming dangerously common. What is leading while bleeding? It is when a person in a leadership position is fulfilling their assignments and responsibilities but they're internally struggling with issues no one knows about. Daily they render solutions to everyone's problem but they can't figure out their own. When they are in front of people, their countenance suggests that they have it all together when the truth is they're secretly falling apart. The pressure of being a leader is undeniably real. In fact, it's so real, most gifted people wish they would have left the gift box unopened. They wish their gift didn't make room for them in the public eye. The reason they feel this way isn't because they're unappreciative of their call or position but mostly because no one seems to understand that, although they are gifted, they are still human. Gifted people live a real life with real issues and they have real feelings just like everyone else. Many leaders hide who they are to avoid being judged by who they lead. I never understood the concept of judging and condemning those who selflessly help enhance our lives through their leading. Maybe if we had less critics and more intercessors and supporters, our leaders wouldn't suffer in silence.

JUST FIX IT

It is medically proven that internal bleeding can be life threatening without medical attention. This same veracity is applicable to individuals who are bleeding as they lead. What is causing your bleeding doesn't matter. What matters is that you seek help. You know the areas that you're struggling in; therefore, seek suitable help. Don't force yourself to be perfect because you were never created to be perfect. Your tenure as a person of influence will include issues you won't always have the ability to cope with alone. It's important that you have a safe place where you can share your heart, voice your fears, and be honest about what is wrong. Mentors and confidants are necessary. Take time to build healthy relationships with compassionate, understanding people. Find at least one person who can relate with and accept the person you are when you are off the platform. It's nice having people celebrate and respect you for the position that you hold but what you really need is someone who you can be vulnerable with behind the scenes. 

With all that said, leaders, I urge you to just fix it. Sometimes fixing the issue means taking a break from everything to work on yourself. Whatever you have to do it, do it! If you avoid the problem it becomes bigger than it has to be. Your gift is too valuable to be lost at the expense of a problem you refused fixed. Trust me, it's really okay if you can't do it in your own strength. We all need somebody at some point. You just have to find who's really for you! There is somebody who is genuinely concerned about your well being and your assignment. Ask God for discernment to identify that person and grace to wholeheartedly trust them. You don't have to do this alone......so don't!

Insecurity Issues

Sarah is a beautiful young gal with charming wit​. She has the ability to light up any room that she walks into with her radiant smile and positive vibes. Undeniably, Sarah has it going on! From afar, many girls admire her and aspire to be just like her. They see in her what she has yet to see in herself. 

Malcolm is macho man on the block. He wears the latest in fashion; from Gucci to Cole Haan, he has it all. In his garage, sits a black on black Lexus and cherry red Mercedes Benz. A collection of degrees; bank full of money; status quo amongst some of the greatest. That's Malcolm.  He's what society deems the "ideal" man, but what most people don't know about Malcolm is, underneath his lavish belongings, is a bruised heart that houses his insecurity. He and Sarah are one in the same. 

Knowing the relationship won't last from the beginning, Sarah pursues them anyway---all in the name of acceptance and affection. Insecurity issues. Having low self-esteem and a need to be included, Malcolm surrounds himself with friends who aren't on the same level as him. He's the guy everyone reaches out to when they are in need of a favor; and since Malcolm has a need for affirmation, he succumbs to being taken advantaged of. He'll give until there's nothing left without expecting a returned favor because he doesn't believe he's worth reciprocation. Insecurity issues. As long as he has what others lack, he knows that his phone will always ring with someone on the other line needing something he has to offer; and he's content with that. 

Jonah 2:8 "Those who cling to worthless idols turn away from God's love for them"

Sarah and Malcolm are emotionally cripple.  To the Sarah and Malcolm reading this, I want to tell you a simple remedy to cure your insecurity: God's love. God's love is and always will be sufficient. Until you trust that it's enough, your insecurity issues will continually make people idols in your life. Instead of clinging to worthless idols, turn to God's love! In His love, you will find perfect completion.

Don't degrade your value by searching for validation. When God created you, He made you enough. Neither your imperfections or the areas in your life that require improvement can make you less than.......unless you let it.  Your inadequacies will continue to rule your life until you tap into a source that's greater. Today is a great day to introduce your insecurities to God's love. 

You Are Remembered

While on Facebook the other day, I received two messages simultaneously, from two different friends. The same thing was communicated in both messages---I haven't forgotten about you. Immediately, my mood went from discouraged to encouraged! It was just the mood booster I was in dire need of.

Although the senders of each message communicated the same thing to me, they both were referencing two separate promises they had made to me. How encouraging is it to know that there are some people who are still committed to their promises, and have intentions of actually fulfilling them? It's even more encouraging to know that although it's taking some time, it's still on the way.

Today, I want to submit to you that, you are not forgotten. YOU ARE REMEMBERED. Whatever you are expecting will come eventually. Whoever made the promise, will deliver on their word. I know you can't quite comprehend the "why" of your wait but things will work out just as they should. It may not happen today but it will happen some day!  

Somewhere in between waiting and receiving, we tend to grow doubtful! We question if what we are waiting on is even worth it; we wonder if  we are wasting our waiting; and we question if the promise-maker will ever prove themselves to be a promise-keeper. Some of you have been waiting so long that is has aggravated your faith. Others of you have even had to deal with watching others get what you have been waiting and praying for, and it has made you resent those people, and worst yet, it has destroyed your desire to receive your promise. You are doing everything that you know how to wait patiently and be of good courage, but the more that you wait, the more unrealistic the arrival of your promise seems. But...take heart; something is about to happen that will make you know that you are remembered and it won't be many days hence.

As hard and hurtful as waiting has been for you, I admonish you to WAIT ON! Before you call it quits, just remember: you held on this long because somewhere underneath the doubt, discouragement, and mixed emotions caused by waiting, you KNOW that you are worth what you are waiting for. So, validate your own worth by continuing to wait. Don't take the easy way out by giving up or settling for anything just so you can have something. 

The Weight of Worship Leading Pt. 2

Carrying the Weight of a Worship Leader

The Role of a Worship Leader

-Part 2-

What is the role of a Worship Leader?

Judging by the two words "worship" and leader", the title itself speaks to your duty and role. Primarily, a worship leader is responsible for leading God's people into worship. They are expected to direct a body of gathered believers into the throne of God, by navigating the people from the outskirts of God’s presence into the inner courts of God’s glory! Every time you come to the front line to operate as a Worship Leader, your task is to invoke people into a true encounter with God. As a worship leader, you must command (control) atmospheres; even those atmospheres that seem impossible to break through. When it seems 

The worship moment is predicated on our sensitivity to the voice of God, our skillfulness, and our preparation. In a corporate worship setting, whenever the worship leader fails to gain access to God’s presence, it results in a missed God-moment. The consequence of a missed God-moment means that God's agenda for the worship gathering won't be accomplished or He has to use someone else to do what the worship leader failed to do. Do you see how vital it is for you, as a worship leader, to know your role and to execute the duties thereof without fail?  You are the spiritual GPS system that God uses to navigate His people into His presence. You are who God expects to set the stage for a performance by Him. The liability is on you. Not anyone else.

A considerable portion of worship leaders today have gotten to the place that they blame everyone but themselves. They will blame everyone, and in some instances, everything--- the band, the sound, the sound technicians, the media staff, the microphones, and the like. In fact, some worship leaders will boldly play the blame game while “leading worship”. Have you ever been in a worship setting where the person leading would say things like: “I’m trying to take us there but ya’ll ain’t trying to go...”, “You could have stayed home if you were just going to come and sit on God”? Some will even go so far as to scold their praise team/band members, whilst the worship experience is in progress, just to make it appear as if they are the hindrance.

You MUST Navigate!

To be very frank about the matter: the only person to be blamed, is the one who has been given charge over the worship encounter. Again, as the authoritative figure of the worship, it is your duty to navigate! Worship Leader, you have been given the authority from God (and your pastor) to situate the atmosphere in a way that God’s agenda can be fulfilled. If God desires to release the anointing of healing into the atmosphere, you as the worship leader must make the atmosphere conducive to receive that anointing. Sometimes, while you’re in the act of leading worship, you will find yourself warring in the spirit. When this happens, don’t resort to negative speech. Instead, begin to intercede and gracefully release the Word of God into the atmosphere, or pray in the spirit until something shifts. When you are given an assignment, you are also given the anointing to operate within that assignment. Use what you have been given!

Worship Leaders: Cease from the tendency to find fault in everyone and everything. Be accountable to your assignment. You are the one whom God has selected to lead. He's given you the authority and the anointing needed for your assignment! If you fail at navigating, own it. After all, it’s rightfully yours to own. If the people opt not to follow, that’s not for you to worry about. Don’t force people to worship. Worship must be a willing enterprise. Endeavoring to force someone to enter in makes you a bully. You have been tasked to lead...not bully! 

David pens in Psalm 27:4, “One thing I ask of the Lord, that will I seek after...” What David desired from the Lord, he was determined to seek after. No matter what others are doing around you, continue to seek after God and flow as He leads you. Refrain from letting people's response dictate the effectiveness of your leading. Be concerned with God's response! Furthermore, always let your desire for God’s presence be fueled by your determination to get into His presence. Never exhaust yourself by trying to lead individuals to a place that they have no desire to go. If they desire to "go in", they will express that desire by participating in the moment. And if they don't, they simply won't! Whenever that's the case, be okay with it! God has no desire to force Himself on anyone unwilling to fellowship with Him.

The Weight of Worship Leading

Carrying The Weight of a Worship Leader
The Objective of Worship
-Part 1-

In order to effectively carry the weight of being a Worship Leader, you must first understand the objective of worship. It is equally important to know what your role is as a worship leader. Each of the two hold significant value.  In learning both the objective and the assignment, you will build the necessary strength to effectively carry the weight of your calling. As well, these fundamentals create a sturdy foundation upon which you can build and continually grow. One thing pertaining to carrying out any assignment holds true: foundation matters! The foundation determines the fulfillment, effectiveness, and duration of one's assignment. When your foundation is sturdy and sure, the success of your assignment is secure.

The Object of Worship

Overtime, there have been many philosophers, theologians, seminarians, and worship leaders who have defined worship in a particular way. Some base their definition and objective of worship on personal experiences. Others base it on learned behavior. In either case, there are a plethora of definitions and objectives floating around, most of them making the idea of worship and its intent complex. However, the Bible gives simple instructions about worship. 1 Peter 2:9 reminds us, "But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should show forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvelous light" 

Before the foundations of the earth, we were deemed to be worshipers. Although, we all have various callings on our lives, our ultimate purpose is to show forth the praises of our God! This purpose must be the priority of all Christians. Worship is what we have been chosen to do, by God, and for God! This is only attainable once you agree to carry out your predestined role in the earth, and then, you must acknowledge God’s worth.

Very simply, to worship is to acknowledge God’s worth and then, to respond to His worth by uttering "yes" in all that we do. In other words, whenever you are worshiping, be it publicly or privately, you are expressing to God what He means to you. This is what worship involves- chosen vessels communicating the depths of God to God. When you worship, you fulfill your higher calling. Since you have been called by His name, you have also been called to glorify His name in the Earth. Isaiah 43:7 states: “Everyone that is called by my name: for I have created him for my glory, I have formed him: I have made him.” This scripture reminds us of God’s intentions for creation. Anytime your life contradicts the declaration God made in this passage, you are living outside of your purpose. And when you live outside of your purpose, you are not living at all-- you’re merely existing.

Worship Leaders: As you carry the weight of your assignment, constantly remind yourself of the objective of your assignment. For those of you who oversee a team of worshipers, whether they are dancers, singers, choir members, minstrels, or a combination of them all, teach them what worship is and continually inform them of why we worship. But don’t just stop at teaching! Go a step further- reinforce it through a consistent lifestyle so they’ll never lose sight of why they do what they do.

To be continued.....

Guard Your Vulnerability

Guard Your Vulnerability

What is Vulnerability?

Vulnerability, very simply, means to be open. When you are in a state of openness, you're susceptible to many things. Some of those things being: judgement, criticism, and emotional turmoil, being misunderstood, just to name a few.  Just by considering the definition of vulnerability, and the different things it opens you to, it is very clear to see why one should guard their vulnerability. It is one of the most precious emotional jewels that humankind has in its possession. It has great benefits, but if used without discretion, it can lead to a great downfall.

You should only share your vulnerability with those that have proven themselves to be trustworthy and understanding. Anyone that can't be trusted is someone that does not deserve the privilege of accessing your vulnerability. If you think about it, vulnerability and trust are one in the same; neither of the two can work successfully without the other. Therefore, trust must be established prior to allowing entrance into the most private areas of your life. 

Unguarded Vulnerability

The beauty of vulnerability is unquestionable. To be open and honest about how you feel without being judged is undeniably beautiful. Sharing your fears with someone who can understand because their fears are identical is beautiful. Having someone love you perfectly even after coming to know your many imperfections is absolutely beautiful. However, with all of its beauty, vulnerability should still remain guarded. It should be guarded until you are sure that the person you wish to give it to will consistently value and respect it, and protect it as if it were their own. If you're not certain whether you can trust a person, always search for signs. Pay attention to how they respond when you tell them certain things. Pay attention to see if they have a bad habit of repeating things you tell them to others. These small signs play a major role in determining if someone can handle your vulnerability. 

Most of us are prone to believe that anyone that lends us a listening ear can be trusted. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. The sad reality is, some people will only listen because they are nosy. Learn to strictly share information with people who are concerned and care about you because they will always do more than just listen to you.  They will go the extra mile to help resolve the issue; they will pray for you when you can’t pray for yourself; they won’t ask unnecessary questions; they'll help you carry your burdens. Why? Simply because true loyalty and love starts with listening but it doesn't end there. 

When the Door is Unlocked..

Before opening the door of your home to allow someone to come in, you glance through the peep hole or ask "who is it?" to ensure that it is someone you know. This same method should be applied to your relationships in life. Before you unlock the door of your trust and allow someone into the place where your vulnerability dwells, know who they are first. By doing so, you will save yourself unnecessary heartache, damaged trust, and emotional frustration. Most of the unwanted emotional pain we experience is often the result of not truly knowing those we are in relationship with.

When you finally decide to unlock the door to your trust, never close the door to your wisdom. In other words, don't tell everything to a person just because you've decided they are trustworthy. There are some things that you should keep to yourself until the appointed time (if there is one) comes to tell someone else. The issue most of have is, we fail to understand that everyone does not need to know everything about you. Your life was never intended to be an open book. Some call it being overly secretive; I call it being very smart. 

Transparency requires you to tell the truth. It doesn't require you to tell everything. Be wise. Applying limitations to your transparency will prevent your vulnerability from being abused. Without having limits to your transparency, you'll oftentimes find yourself in a place of regret wishing that you didn't open your mouth too soon, or at all. Always know what to tell, who to tell it to, and when to tell it. 

'Til the Last Drop

(review of Pastor Marquis Boone's book)

There's a lot I can say about this impressive work of literature. I'll start by expressing how amazing the cover design is. When I first saw it, immediately, I was captivated. Well designed covers will effortlessly intrigue grasp an individual's interest. The cover of Til the Last Drop did exactly that.

Aside from the cover, the content inside of the book is simply astounding. Pastor Boone did what most authors fail at doing- conveying a message that ANY audience can read, and relate to.

Furthermore, the manner in which he modernized the story of the woman with the issue of  blood was incredible. He masterfully took an uncommon approach to tell a familiar story without dumbing down its message. Being successful at retelling such a popular and delicate story can be implausible; but Boone did it- and did it exceptionally well might I add.

I strongly recommend this book be read by everyone- particularly those whose faith is frustrated. This book will revive your faith, restore your trust in God, and inspire you to believe that you can, and will make it Til the Last Drop.

Don't forfeit yourself the opportunity to be blessed. Purchase this book as soon as today.

It's available online at Amazon, Barnes & Noble and www.marquisboone.com. It's in stores as well.

The Gift of Healing...

Life for me has been an adventure full of many lessons---hard lessons. Of the many things I have learned is, hurt is inevitable. This is a harsh truth that most people fail to accept. The reality of life is: as long as you are living, you can expect to be served a few cold dishes of hurt. That is just the way the cookie crumbles.  In fact, you can even expect those dishes to be served by the ones you love the most.   It's all a part of living, and no matter what you do, you'll never be able to escape or control the share of hurt you will receive. It's an arduous task not worth attempting. The only thing you have the ability to control pertaining to hurt is, the way that you choose deal with it. When making a decision, there are only two options to consider when dealing with hurt. You can either heal from it or you can hide from it. The choice is yours!

If you make the [wise] choice of healing instead of hiding, be certain that you actually heal from the hurt. Don't make the mistake of tricking yourself into thinking that you are healed. False healing seems to be the new art that everyone is mastering; and to be honest, it does far more damage than it does any good. False healing will seem viable for some time, but eventually reality will show up to the front door of your life, greeting you with everything you refused to heal from. The worst thing that can happen, and the very last thing you want to happen is, to one day discover that you never healed. It would be a tragedy to get so far along in life only to realize that you've spent so much time in a prison of false healing, bound by your own unwillingness to do what is necessary for you to heal and get over what happened to you. Hiding and/or pretending to be healed isn't advantageous  It's just hurtful because eventually you will find yourself back at the point of your hurt; and then, you will have no other choice but to deal and heal.

I urge you to get to the root of why you are avoiding healing. Is it because you fear being hurt in the presence of people who are seemingly whole? If that be the case, allow me to share a little truth with you: most of the people who appear whole in public, are actually broken in private.  Are you avoiding healing  and living in false pretense because you value your titles, positions, and status more than you value your emotional wholeness? Is it because you have become so consumed with maintaining an image that you ignore your soul's cry for healing and wholeness? Whatever your reasons are for avoiding true healing, get rid of them. You can only hide behind your smile, career, title, luxurious car, and expensive items for so long. It is only a matter of time before the veil is pulled and your wounds! Do you really want your wounds to be exposed in front of the very people you spent so much time trying to be healed in front of?   No, you don't! In fact, if they are hindering your healing process, get away from them and get around individuals who will help you heal. You must treat the broken areas of your life. If you don't, the wounds will become deeper; and deeper wounds require longer healing. For this reason, your best bet is to grant healing permission to have its perfect work in your life.

Aside from the person who simply avoids healing, there's another type of person. The person that never gets healed because they won't allow themselves to be angry about what happened to them. Some people have turned their "anger switch" completely off, forfeiting themselves the chance of being angry. They've programmed themselves to forgive right away instead of becoming upset. They suppress their feelings and sweep everything under the rug. Pause for a brief moment. In case you didn't know: such behavior is unhealthy for your emotional wellness. Suppressed feelings will resurface. Therefore, it's best to deal with the issue before it deals with you.  Okay. Back to the subject at hand! I don't want you to misinterpret the point I'm attempting to convey here. Yes, you ought to forgive and you should also forgive quickly. However, there are no time regulations attached to "quickly". Forgiving quickly simply means that you must forgive eventually. There's something many people misunderstand about true forgiveness. Forgiveness isn't true unless it is done wholly and purely. How can one forgive wholly and purely if they don't allow themselves time to be mad about what happened to them? Many will argue my point and say it's not morally acceptable to be angry before you forgive! Well, I'll argue that point on this account: when you are dealing with a broken heart, it places you in a position that is hard to come out of. Why? It's because a broken heart doesn't come alone. It's accompanied by bruised feelings, confusion, emotional numbness, pain, and the like. Each of these feelings can become "forgiveness blockers" and the longer you take to  accept and deal with them, is the longer they will block your ability to forgive.  Once you take the time to tend to your hurt feelings, you can then enter the forgiveness process .

With that said, I admonish you to give yourself permission to be upset. That's right! You read correctly. Give yourself permission to be be angry about what happened to you! Anger is a natural emotion felt by all of humanity. Contrary to the beliefs of many, being angry can yield positive results when done properly. How so? It's simple! After you've permitted yourself to be angry, you obtain the courage and power to forgive the offender, and overcome the offense. Extending forgiveness and moving on from the unfortunate things that has happened to you, is positive, right? I thought so, too! Likewise, in forgiving your offender, you free yourself from the mendacity that leads you to believe that what happened to you, was your fault. It wasn't your fault. It was merely a portion of your process which ties into the ultimate purpose of your existence. 

I said all of that to say, don't spend another day of your life living as if you are healed when you KNOW that you're broken and deeply hurting. Get over your fears and face the hurt so that you can heal. The moment you give yourself the gift of healing, flowers of immeasurable joy and happiness will blossom in the garden of your life. But that's not the best part. The best aspect of healing, to me, are the scars for they are symbols of  strength and survival--reminding you that what you went through, didn't kill you! 

 Accept it. Be angry about it.

Forgive it. 

Stop believing it's your fault.  

Be healed from it!