How 2014 Made Me Unstoppable!

I believe that a private life is a happy  life, but I also believe that opening your life up just enough can provide a beam of light for someone else's life. So, here we go....

A little over a year ago, I relocated to Atlanta from New Jersey.  For personal reasons, I made the transition without warning a lot of people. Some were offended; some were understanding; and others speculated that I moved because golden opportunities were on the table--but very few knew that the move was actually a remedy to escape complete homelessness. Prior to boarding an evening flight to ATL, I spent over a month with my head barely above the waters of uncertainty. Nothing about my tomorrows were predictable so I took on every day with zero guarantees and whatever faith I could find for that day. Everyone was encountering Khas but no one discerned the fragmented spirit that was in their presence. I went to church, hung out with friends, attended events and meetings, assisted with projects, and so on. Although I was present, nobody really knew the sacrifice that showing up was for me.

Since moving from New Jersey, I've scored some major highs and I've also suffered some disconcerting lows - but you know what? God was ever present.  It's not that He wasn't before,  but something about affliction and bad days heightened my awareness to recognize His nearness.  I discovered that it was easier to invite God into my brokenness rather than believe my reality had to be perfect before I could engage His presence. That revelation remains my saving grace to this day.

As this year closes, I'm most thankful for the sustaining power of God's presence.  I've felt His presence rescue me from depression and refuse to let me give attention to suicidal thoughts. I've felt God's presence hug me when I was exhausted from pretending to be okay. More than ever before,  I know what it means for the name of the Lord to be a strong tower. When I've had nothing,  I had that name. On days when I couldn't compose a fancy prayer with big words and scriptural phrases, I learned the simplicity and power of just saying "Jesus".

2014 has taught me a lot,  but my most favorite and most valuable lesson is: nothing in this life is strong enough to separate me from the (limitless) LOVE of God! That love got me out here feeling like I'm unstoppable.

Dear 2015, I'm ready for you...

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RESTART vs. RESTORE

I am always on the computer. If you are ever looking for me, more often than not, you can find me somewhere operating on one. Be it for business purposes or the usual leisure time, a good portion of my day is spent with a computer. So, considering my frequent use of it, there is not much that I do not know about them. Although I am by no means an expert, I do have adequate knowledge and abilities regarding working computers.  

Very recently, an error message that showed up on the laptop screen had changed my perspective on life in an unusual way. This message is nothing that I had not seen before. It was common and basic, until I read it with new eyes. What I experienced in that one moment of being enlightened has taught me a lesson I refuse to forget. Oprah would refer to it as an “aha moment.”  I will call it an epiphany, or a revelation, if you will.

The power chord came out and because the laptop was not charged enough to be sustained without it, the computer shut down on its own accord. Once powered back on, I went to get back on the internet to finish what I was doing. As normal in this case, I was greeted by an error message that read:  GOOGLE CHROME SHUT DOWN UNEXPECTEDLY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO RESTORE YOUR PREVIOUS TABS? Again, I had seen this exact message countless times before, but when I read it this time, it was different, it was fresh. It intrigued me this time. My heart appreciated that I didn't have to start over. I was happy to know that everything I was working on was not lost, as the result of an unexpected shutdown.

Being able to get back to the point you were before something went wrong, and having the chance to continue as if you never stopped, is the true epitome of grace. Grace always allows you to recover without forcing you to start over; it lets you begin again without going back to the beginning. That's grace! 

This principle of restoration is so vital to various aspects of our personal life. Before I delve into that, I want to present the definitions for the words restart and restore.

RESTART:  start again.
RESTORE:  bring back (a previous right, practice, custom, or situation); reinstate; or return (someone or something) to a former condition, place, or position.

In my opinion, the primary aspect of life the principle of restoration is most applicable to is relationships.  As I am talking about relationships, do bear in mind that I am using the word very loosely—therefore, I am referencing any type of relationship.

When relationships become strained, regardless of the reason, one of the first questions we ask ourself is: is this even worth it anymore?  This question is evidence that we are somewhere in between staying or leaving. To go is the choice that usually wins.

Before you make any abrupt decisions, you should always consider these points:

1. Check yourself. Have you considered your words and actions? Relationships are made up of more than one person and it will require all parties involved to share the responsibility of maintaining that relationship. The frustration, tension, misunderstanding, can be the result of something you did or did not do.

2. Have a conversation. Conversations can be the saving grace of relationships. Don’t be afraid to respectfully communicate your feelings. When you opt to talk through things, be careful to listen and understand before you proceed to respond. Understanding does not necessarily insinuate agreement; however, it does establish unity.

3. Reach a mutual conclusion. Any real relationship is not made up of absolute agreement, but that does not have to keep you from being on the same page, in the same book. Sometimes you have to meet somewhere in the middle and develop a plan of action that suits all parties involved so that you can move forward peaceably and respectfully.

As you have noticed, none of the above steps indicate that you should restart—and that was intentional. Too often we create new beginnings when all that is needed is a new method.

Relationships—that are true in nature—carry a significant purpose. In essence, if the relationship is full of chaos and empty of purpose, that suggests that separation is the rightful option. However, if that is not the case, you need to create a new plan that makes continuing a possibility.

I hope this helps! Share this blog---someone you know may need it.

Twitter/Instagram: @khasdock
Facebook: Khas Dock

I Am NOT Mike Brown

I'm enraged. I'm vexed. I'm one of thousands of Black Americans frustrated by the undeserved injustice served on our plates of humanity.  I am one that shares the dark, daunting thought that makes one contemplate: "who will be next?".

I'm disgusted by the blatant disregard law enforcement (or anyone else) has for the black race. I'm saddened that the system that was built to provide liberty and justice for all, only seems to lavish it upon some.

But...I'm not Mike Brown. We are not Mike Brown.

We are people with a responsibility to honor Mike's life, not only with a pursuit for his justice;  but through the implementation of lasting change that will penetrate our culture and unify our community. We have the responsibility to ignite flames of change that will transcend this present moment of despair; change that will inspire the legacy Mike Brown was robbed of a chance to build.

The nationwide rallies and protests are commendable, and proof of our strength under pressure. The uproar gives voice to our  frustrations and places a demand on the law to crown our efforts with justice. But, if we are given the results we expect and so rightfully deserve,  what happens next?  Will it be back to community as usual?  Will the next community effort only be initiated after innocent blood has been shed?

In observing all that is happening presently and reflecting on how many times we've been here as a race and a nation before,  I seem to find one thing consistent: today's communities are full of aftermath activists. Our concern and fight for change is only activated by unfair treatment and injustice. That has to shift urgently or we grant continuation to this vicious cycle.

I imagine how much more reverence and fair treatment we'd receive if our voices were just as loud on days we weren't standing face to face and toe to toe with oppression. We can't escape evil altogether; but we can make it think twice about visiting us or gunning down another young soul.

The goal here is not to stir up controversy or come off as insensitive,  because I carry a piece of this pain just like so many others.  However, I am endeavoring to raise awareness about what activism and community building can do when it's constant and not situational.

All I'm really saying is: it's time!

It's time that we stood tall on the shoulders of our ancestors and the courageous civil rights leaders of the past. It's time for a civil rights movement that is ever moving and never void of momentum.  It's time for the reclaiming of our dignity and value.  It's time!

For Those Offended by Transition

To truly value someone is to respect what is best for them, even when it no longer includes you. Time has a tendency to present change that no one can see coming beforehand; and it forces you to redefine your normalcy and learn ways to survive without something/someone that was once constant in your environment. Many times, tomorrow will change who a person is in your life today---against their desire and yours.

This year, from a personal account and distant observations, I have noticed how people "get in their feelings" and take offense to transitions they either can't accept or comprehend. Thus, they do things like, bleed over social media with Instagram quotes about backstabbing or subliminal Facebook posts highlighted in shade. Yes, we see you!

But I wonder: have we gotten so comfortable with people's roles in our lives that we have eliminated the possibility of them ever growing beyond us? It seems that loving people and appreciating their contributions has transformed into restrictive boundaries that are unfair and unrealistic. Perhaps that explains the struggle many have with releasing people when inevitable transition comes into play.

I don't want to harp on tediously about this subject, but I need to drop these 3 points and then go take my shower:

WHO SAID IT WAS A FOREVER THING ANYWAY?
Nothing lasts forever. That's a cliché, but its truth is always proven through life's twists and turns. The mistake we make is becoming so familiar with a person's presence, we don't know how to be left. As a result, we harbor ill feelings for the person leaving us.

LET THEM GROW ON
You may not understand their transition or fully agree with the timing of their decision, but respect it anyway. Why should they have to sacrifice their growth at the altar of your selfishness? Furthermore, regardless of the position you hold in anyone's life, that doesn't render you the power to dictate their growth processes; and it certainly doesn't grant you permission to make them feel guilty for going in the direction of their new beginning. If their tenure with you has significance, you'd be able to put your feelings on pause long enough to give them them your blessings and well wishes.

RESPECT THE HISTORY
There are few things worse than someone who has the kind of loyalty that only lasts as long as the relationship does. Those that understand the concept of unconditional loyalty, also possess the ability to respect the history that's there. It puts your immaturity on full display when you contrive an enemy of someone that never had an agenda to offend you. And, it speaks low volumes of your integrity when you use conversations as a tool to make someone develop disdain toward a person they don't know or a situation that doesn't include them (even if they know the person).

Listen! If handling separation seems to be arduous for you, a heart check is the best prescription. The solution isn't to make them your problem; but instead, explore those internal issues that stifles your ability to cope with change. Everyone has to face the experience of others transitioning out of their life. Learn to be okay with it because being offended by it won't change anything.

#TheGraceFactor
Instagram/Twitter: @khasdock

Grab my book Shades of Grace on Amazon.com

RESIDUE

Have you ever stained your clothes and threw them into the washer, hoping that they will come out without any evidence of what you spilled on them? Then, to your dismay, you can still see the mark...the residue...the place where the spill happened before the stain. It is pretty ironic how much forgiveness, healing, and moving on can sometimes fit this exact scenario. 

Let me explain....

We forgive what took place, our hearts are healed, and we begin to move towards a brighter day--but we didn't pause to consider the need to prepare for the residue...the reminder of the thing that scorned us severely.

Not too long ago, I took a trip to the barbershop with a good friend prior to heading downtown for a radio interview. There we were, waiting on a barber's chair to become available. Sitting directly across from me, was a father and son. Instantly, seeing their interaction sent me backstroking in euphoric tidal waves. So many feelings rushed violently through my mind as this sight agitated the un-fathered little boy inside of me. The whole time, I fought to keep it together. Despite my efforts, I couldn't avoid thinking about how my father never took me to the barbershop on Saturdays to get my haircut. I was overjoyed to see that father and son bonds are existent although they are rarities, but I was saddened to witness something that I always wished I had.

My father was absent for most of my life. Although, he recently returned, we have never experienced each other's presence. Nevertheless, I forgave him years ago--which is why I cannot wrap my mind around why I was so distraught seeing this father and son in the barbershop. If I forgave him for being absent, why was that moment so grueling for me?  Why did I land on the edge of bitterness?

What at that moment appeared to be a depression tactic was actually a life lesson in disguise. It taught me: forgiveness never guarantees a future without any reminders of WHAT or WHO you forgave. It is no different than the soiled clothing that comes out of the wash with residue- even though it was washed, it still has stains. 

It's not enough to just forgive. You have to hide tools in your heart that will help you deal with the aftermath.  Your sanity and growth depends on it. Don't get caught unprepared for the unexpected. That was my failure in forgiving my dad--I forgot to remember tomorrow. I never kept in the forefront of my mind that there would be memories and reminders. But...now I know. I'll be ready for the residue next time!

Dear God,

Teach our hearts how to handle the residue. May it never make us regress to where we have been delivered from. Give us the audacity to never yield to bitterness when we are unexpectedly standing in the face of anything that resembles yesterday's anguish. On those days when thoughts of what we cannot change becomes burdensome, I pray our faith whispers a gentle reminder of your plans for our future.

Signed,

Still Growing In Grace

---
Twitter/IG/Facebook- @khasdock
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Not Ready Enough; Not Good Enough

We are all wanting and waiting for something in life. Some a new job or bigger house. Some a book deal or acceptance into the college or university of their choice; and others, a relationship that brings a sense of fulfillment they haven’t felt in some time.

Regardless of what we have or how content we are with the current state of life, there is a yearning in our hearts that cultivates a desire for better; for more; for growth. But it seems that somewhere between wanting and waiting, we arrive at the complexity of trying to be “ready enough” or “good enough” and we become stuck, never obtaining anything. We burden ourselves by attempting to master perfection when consistent preparation is all that it really takes.

For me, inexperience with book publishing could have easily qualified me as not “ready enough”; but I didn't give it the power to.  Instead, I decided to trust those who had the experience and were willing to advise and instruct me through the process.  You may not have all that you think you need to get started; but someone does. Substitute self-sufficiency with beneficial relationships.

For you, each time you come across a good thing, your “I’m not good enough” mentality makes you sabotage what has potential to become what you've been wanting and waiting for. But here's the simple truth we frequently omit: living in the truth of who you are--being the best version of yourself-- is what makes you good enough, not the unrealistic standards you've been struggling to live up to. 

If there is one thing I have apprehended about life, it is: the choices we refuse to make and the mentalities we decide to accept are oftentimes why our desires don't make it beyond our hearts into our realities. 

How many more moments are you willing to lose at the expense of not being "good enough" or "ready enough? I promise if you let faith fill the places that are occupied by improbable fantasies, your ambitions will become tangible. 

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Twitter: @khasdock

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Message For the Dreamers

Over the last few months, I have worked tirelessly on my debut book, Shades Of Grace, that is currently available on Amazon.com. The writing and publishing process was a journey full of joys, doubts, excitement, and most of all, lessons. So, I thought I would share some of those lessons with you briefly.

Here they are...

Your dream needs you more than it needs anyone.  Whatever you are working towards needs your tenacity, motivation, and diligence. The accolades and support from those on the outside looking in is nice to have, but they are not necessities in any manner. You can't ever allow people to become a priority when it comes to your dream. Regardless of who comes or goes, the sole responsibility to bring the vision into full fruition belongs to nobody but you. 

Don’t be deterred by lip service. Your journey as a dreamer will include individuals who speak words that are void of value. Many people will make promises that sound pleasing to your ear, but in all reality, the intention to commit is dubious. Never allow someone’s words to hold so much weight that it causes you to stop and wait for them to do what they said. If you stay focused and faithful to what you are working on, favor and provision will come to you.

Expect disconnection. If you are going to be a dreamer, you have to be willing to pay the uncomfortable price of separation. A lot of the people who are there at the conception of the dream, won’t be there at its completion. It’s unfortunate, but it’s reality. The pursuit of a dream is about growth and most times growth challenges you to outgrow some people, places, and even habits.

Accept useful criticism. One of the hardest things to do is hear someone tell you what’s wrong about your work. It doesn’t make you feel good at all; but useful criticism is the key to becoming efficient at what you do. More often than you might prefer, there will be plenty of opinions and critiques (mostly unsolicited) given to you. Instead of becoming upset or discouraged, take what can work for you and leave the rest. It’s all about knowing what advice to trust and what advice to ignore.

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Twitter/IG: @khasdock

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