12 Insiders for Handling & Understanding Gifted People

Being gifted and talented is a blessing.....until you encounter people that don't know how to deal with you properly.

Here are 12 insiders for HANDLING & UNDERSTANDING us Gifted People:

• Creative beings can read your energy and motives without much effort - because those attributes are important to us. If your vibes aren't positive, we'll disconnect in order to guard our space and peace.

• Please don't make us wait on you to pay us - especially if we didn't make you wait on us for the service you requested. Whether you know it or not, the services an [full time] entrepreneur renders, in most cases, is their only source of income. You have no idea the stress that waiting on money to pay bills, save towards a goal, or just to see tangible fruit for your labor, brings

• We think very differently than most. Our train of thought is often confusing to the people we share ideas, dreams, and plans with. If you're ever fortunate enough to be the ear that a dreamer trusts, do your best to listen carefully and without judgement even when you don't understand fully. Most times, the only thing needed is a listening ear, not a response.

• No one on earth is accused for "acting funny" or being "Hollywood" quite like we are. Trust, we have solid reasons for not doing certain things or being seen everywhere. In the entrepreneurial world, image is all you have. So whatever it takes to protect our brand/name, that's exactly what we'll do.
• As much as we'd like to use our friends for everything, the reality is, some endeavors will demand new partnerships. When you're not picked for something, don't be upset, and still support--unless being included is what controls your loyalty--and if that's the case, that's another issue in itself.

• When doing business with us, honesty up front is the way to go! Put it all on the table in the beginning. Doing so is beneficial to all parties involved, and keeps the door wide open for future opportunities. 

• Much to the contrary, gifted people are normal people. I promise you! There are days when all we want to do is be regular, to freely exist beyond our creative abilities without any pressure. Don't strip us of that beautiful privilege. Don't place unrealistic/unfair expectations on our shoulders. 

• Time is the dreamer's oxygen. It's everything to us. If we give it to you, value it.If you don't? You won't get multiples times to waste time with a dreamer. 

• Being "in" with us means that you get to see what's underneath the gift, what's inside of our minds and hearts, as well as the private struggles and failures that the public is blind to. As someone that's close, help cover us. And, you'll know what "cover" fits each instance.

• A creative's biggest pet peeve is being compared. Congratulations are fine. Criticisms (gentle, but honest) are welcomed as well. But please spare us the comparisons;--even though you may mean well--it's not as complimenting as you think; and it really robs us of our individualism. 

• If our moods switch suddenly, and for what may seem like "no reason at all", just let us have our moment.

• You haven't seen spontaneous until you've been around a creative person. Yes, we're the type of people to imagine something at 3:05am, call you with the idea at 3:06am, and will be ready to execute it by 3:07am. It's just how we're wired. Best way to respond? Just go with the flow. 

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The Danger of Needing to Be Needed

Having a dire need to be needed is a sure set up for a slow fall down a painful slope. It's a dangerous thing to live your life desperately wanting someone to embrace you.

I'm not speaking of anything I heard or researched, this is indeed what I know, what I've lived. 

At one point - and even now at times - I wrestled with this disease of needing to be needed. I needed people to call me for the job. I thought less of myself if my phone never rang with someone soliciting my ideas or input. God forbid if there was something happening that I had the skills for but wasn't asked to participate in. You see, I convinced myself that my ultimate worth was built on what others needed from me. Consequently, if I ever got the impression that I wasn't needed, I immediately discredited my existence. Yeah, it's that dangerous.

Here's Step 1 to conquer this disease: Realize that you have worth independent of relationships and what you have to offer. What you bring to the table adds to your worth, it doesn't determine your worth. When I realized I mattered even if no one ever needed me, I collided with freedom.

Another danger with this disease is the habit of creating dependability to ensure that you're always needed. This means, you do everything in your power to be sure you're being counted on....even if it involves positioning yourself to be misused and taken advantage of. When you're hungry for acceptance, you become addicted to compromise and foolish investments; and eventually, you become severely numb to abuse and mistreatment, mistaking it for love and acceptance.

If you haven't already figured it out, dependability is a monster; it's the cousin of dysfunction. And dysfunction is a bigger beast than the disease of needing to be needed. Entertain it long enough and you're bound to destroy the most precious assets that exist in your life. 

Here's Step 2: Settle in your spirit that you can be successful at getting someone to depend on you, yet fail at getting them to love you. It's so key to understand that being depended on doesn't automatically translate into appreciation or love.

If we're to be candid for a quick second, wanting to be loved is the primary underlying motive of forcing dependency. We figure that it's a 2-for-1 special, totally oblivious to the truth that, what we think is a cure is actually a curse.

You know what the greatest danger of all is when it comes to having a need to be needed? The lost of self. Eventually, you will lose yourself trying to fit in places void of the capacity to hold you. The mindset that we have to adopt is,"I won't be needed everywhere, but I'm necessary somewhere." Your love, gifts, presence, and purpose belong and they matter. Value them too much to force them where they don't fit. We were designed to be everything everywhere and to everyone. 

2 Simple Steps to Guarding Your Heart!

Protecting your heart is both good and necessary. It has exponential benefits when done the right way. What's the right way? Well, to begin with, you must understand that guarding your heart does not start and stop at the entryway. After you have granted someone/something access, there's still more to do. 

Wise is the soul that carefully monitors the activity happening on the inside to be sure that illegal access wasn't given.

Let's consider a corporate building. The moment you arrive, you are subject to a security check point before you are allowed to go to your designated location. That doesn't mean that you're a threat; it just means that necessary steps are being taken to ensure that you have a right to be there and you're not a risk to the security of the building or its occupants. Yet, it doesn't stop there. Do you think that just because someone makes it pass the security booth, that means they are no longer under surveillance? Absolutely not. In fact, in most cases, the surveillance is more thorough beyond the entrance--as it should be. Why? People are capable of pretending well enough to "look the part" to win the access needed to accomplish their ulterior motives. Deception has a longstanding reputation of getting people into places (hearts) they're no good for.

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We have to treat our hearts with the same type of surveillance that's found at a corporate building. It's not enough to only check things (people, emotions, thoughts) at the door; we must closely monitor the activity that is going on. What are they doing? Is their access an advantage or disadvantage? Has their motives changed for the worst since being let it? What's become of your life since you granted them entry? Whatever is on the inside of you is the paint your heart uses with every stroke that touches the canvas of your life. If hate is on the inside, the heart can't paint love. If no good people are on the inside, the heart can't paint a life that reflects healthy connections.

To this end, the 2 effective steps to make sure that you heart is always guarded are:

1. Thoroughly check to see if "it" is safe to let in.

2. Constantly evaluate to see if "it" is safe to enough to remain.

This is my last point and I'll let you go: guard your heart with wisdom, not walls. If walls are surrounding your heart, nothing that belongs can enter and anything that doesn't belong can't exit.

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That Awkward Moment In The Shower When.................

This blog entry is pretty funny to me, but I hope the core of the message will resonate with you.

For months, there was a stye located on my left eye. It wasn't the normal one. This stye actually hung over my bottom eyelid. If you're reading this and we've been in the same room, you know what I'm talking about. On some days, a little piece would be over the lid; and on some days, it was so much skin hanging over my lid you'd think God had given me a third eye.

In an effort to get rid of it, I tried everything. Warm compression. Home remedies. Emergency room. Fervent-tongue talking-calling fire from Heaven's furnace-prayer. At some points, the sty would shrink but it wouldn't be long before it would puff up again, ultimately making all of my efforts of no avail. So what did I eventually do? I accepted it as a new part of my appearance. I hated that it was there because it was weird having people stare and ask questions and because many of my GOOD selfies were ruined by this disruptive little beast. But when something has been a part of you for so long, accepting it seems natural. The things we can't change despite our best efforts usually become the things we settle for by default rather than desire.

Fast forward to about a week ago. By now, the stye had FINALLY reduced in size, so much so that it wasn't visible and the only way to see it was by pulling my lid downwards. Ain't God good? I was super happy because the timing couldn't be more perfect. It was almost time for my big weekend of celebrating the one year book-a-versary of my debut book [Shades of Grace - available on Amazon.com :-)] and a part of this weekend included a photo shoot with Mayweather Images for marketing and branding. As the date for the shoot got closer, my biggest fear was that the stye would enlarge and ruin a shoot we worked so hard to put together. When I noticed that the stye started to protrude over my lid again, that fear was fed.

Not wanting high hopes to land me at disappointment, I made myself accept that there just MIGHT be a possibility of the unfortunate occurring. That was my way of nursing a wound that didn't exist. I wanted to resolve a problem I didn't have......yet. Then, the unthinkable happened.

As I normally do in the shower, I prayed, I worshiped. While doing so, something awkward happened with my eye and it prompted me to glance at the shower floor; so I glanced and noticed a reddish piece of something on the floor in the shape of a dot. I picked it up and it turned out to be the stye that I NEVER expected to get rid of completely. Here I was absolutely happy that it reduced in size even though it was still there. As long as it wasn't noticeable, that was enough for me. There was a sense of contentment that came independent of a desire for more. 

All that to say: the things you've forced yourself to accept because you've counted out the idea of them ever being removed are about to DROP off of your life....and it's going to happen in the blink of an eye.....just as it did for me. The most amazing detail is NOT that the stye is gone, but rather the timing of everything. It amazes me how God will do the very thing you've been waiting on AFTER you've dismissed the hope of it ever happening just to prove the perfection of His timing. 

I really just wrote this to inform somebody's heart that: God's timing may frustrate you, but it'll never fail you. It's still worth trusting!

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How 2014 Made Me Unstoppable!

I believe that a private life is a happy  life, but I also believe that opening your life up just enough can provide a beam of light for someone else's life. So, here we go....

A little over a year ago, I relocated to Atlanta from New Jersey.  For personal reasons, I made the transition without warning a lot of people. Some were offended; some were understanding; and others speculated that I moved because golden opportunities were on the table--but very few knew that the move was actually a remedy to escape complete homelessness. Prior to boarding an evening flight to ATL, I spent over a month with my head barely above the waters of uncertainty. Nothing about my tomorrows were predictable so I took on every day with zero guarantees and whatever faith I could find for that day. Everyone was encountering Khas but no one discerned the fragmented spirit that was in their presence. I went to church, hung out with friends, attended events and meetings, assisted with projects, and so on. Although I was present, nobody really knew the sacrifice that showing up was for me.

Since moving from New Jersey, I've scored some major highs and I've also suffered some disconcerting lows - but you know what? God was ever present.  It's not that He wasn't before,  but something about affliction and bad days heightened my awareness to recognize His nearness.  I discovered that it was easier to invite God into my brokenness rather than believe my reality had to be perfect before I could engage His presence. That revelation remains my saving grace to this day.

As this year closes, I'm most thankful for the sustaining power of God's presence.  I've felt His presence rescue me from depression and refuse to let me give attention to suicidal thoughts. I've felt God's presence hug me when I was exhausted from pretending to be okay. More than ever before,  I know what it means for the name of the Lord to be a strong tower. When I've had nothing,  I had that name. On days when I couldn't compose a fancy prayer with big words and scriptural phrases, I learned the simplicity and power of just saying "Jesus".

2014 has taught me a lot,  but my most favorite and most valuable lesson is: nothing in this life is strong enough to separate me from the (limitless) LOVE of God! That love got me out here feeling like I'm unstoppable.

Dear 2015, I'm ready for you...

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RESTART vs. RESTORE

I am always on the computer. If you are ever looking for me, more often than not, you can find me somewhere operating on one. Be it for business purposes or the usual leisure time, a good portion of my day is spent with a computer. So, considering my frequent use of it, there is not much that I do not know about them. Although I am by no means an expert, I do have adequate knowledge and abilities regarding working computers.  

Very recently, an error message that showed up on the laptop screen had changed my perspective on life in an unusual way. This message is nothing that I had not seen before. It was common and basic, until I read it with new eyes. What I experienced in that one moment of being enlightened has taught me a lesson I refuse to forget. Oprah would refer to it as an “aha moment.”  I will call it an epiphany, or a revelation, if you will.

The power chord came out and because the laptop was not charged enough to be sustained without it, the computer shut down on its own accord. Once powered back on, I went to get back on the internet to finish what I was doing. As normal in this case, I was greeted by an error message that read:  GOOGLE CHROME SHUT DOWN UNEXPECTEDLY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO RESTORE YOUR PREVIOUS TABS? Again, I had seen this exact message countless times before, but when I read it this time, it was different, it was fresh. It intrigued me this time. My heart appreciated that I didn't have to start over. I was happy to know that everything I was working on was not lost, as the result of an unexpected shutdown.

Being able to get back to the point you were before something went wrong, and having the chance to continue as if you never stopped, is the true epitome of grace. Grace always allows you to recover without forcing you to start over; it lets you begin again without going back to the beginning. That's grace! 

This principle of restoration is so vital to various aspects of our personal life. Before I delve into that, I want to present the definitions for the words restart and restore.

RESTART:  start again.
RESTORE:  bring back (a previous right, practice, custom, or situation); reinstate; or return (someone or something) to a former condition, place, or position.

In my opinion, the primary aspect of life the principle of restoration is most applicable to is relationships.  As I am talking about relationships, do bear in mind that I am using the word very loosely—therefore, I am referencing any type of relationship.

When relationships become strained, regardless of the reason, one of the first questions we ask ourself is: is this even worth it anymore?  This question is evidence that we are somewhere in between staying or leaving. To go is the choice that usually wins.

Before you make any abrupt decisions, you should always consider these points:

1. Check yourself. Have you considered your words and actions? Relationships are made up of more than one person and it will require all parties involved to share the responsibility of maintaining that relationship. The frustration, tension, misunderstanding, can be the result of something you did or did not do.

2. Have a conversation. Conversations can be the saving grace of relationships. Don’t be afraid to respectfully communicate your feelings. When you opt to talk through things, be careful to listen and understand before you proceed to respond. Understanding does not necessarily insinuate agreement; however, it does establish unity.

3. Reach a mutual conclusion. Any real relationship is not made up of absolute agreement, but that does not have to keep you from being on the same page, in the same book. Sometimes you have to meet somewhere in the middle and develop a plan of action that suits all parties involved so that you can move forward peaceably and respectfully.

As you have noticed, none of the above steps indicate that you should restart—and that was intentional. Too often we create new beginnings when all that is needed is a new method.

Relationships—that are true in nature—carry a significant purpose. In essence, if the relationship is full of chaos and empty of purpose, that suggests that separation is the rightful option. However, if that is not the case, you need to create a new plan that makes continuing a possibility.

I hope this helps! Share this blog---someone you know may need it.

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I Am NOT Mike Brown

I'm enraged. I'm vexed. I'm one of thousands of Black Americans frustrated by the undeserved injustice served on our plates of humanity.  I am one that shares the dark, daunting thought that makes one contemplate: "who will be next?".

I'm disgusted by the blatant disregard law enforcement (or anyone else) has for the black race. I'm saddened that the system that was built to provide liberty and justice for all, only seems to lavish it upon some.

But...I'm not Mike Brown. We are not Mike Brown.

We are people with a responsibility to honor Mike's life, not only with a pursuit for his justice;  but through the implementation of lasting change that will penetrate our culture and unify our community. We have the responsibility to ignite flames of change that will transcend this present moment of despair; change that will inspire the legacy Mike Brown was robbed of a chance to build.

The nationwide rallies and protests are commendable, and proof of our strength under pressure. The uproar gives voice to our  frustrations and places a demand on the law to crown our efforts with justice. But, if we are given the results we expect and so rightfully deserve,  what happens next?  Will it be back to community as usual?  Will the next community effort only be initiated after innocent blood has been shed?

In observing all that is happening presently and reflecting on how many times we've been here as a race and a nation before,  I seem to find one thing consistent: today's communities are full of aftermath activists. Our concern and fight for change is only activated by unfair treatment and injustice. That has to shift urgently or we grant continuation to this vicious cycle.

I imagine how much more reverence and fair treatment we'd receive if our voices were just as loud on days we weren't standing face to face and toe to toe with oppression. We can't escape evil altogether; but we can make it think twice about visiting us or gunning down another young soul.

The goal here is not to stir up controversy or come off as insensitive,  because I carry a piece of this pain just like so many others.  However, I am endeavoring to raise awareness about what activism and community building can do when it's constant and not situational.

All I'm really saying is: it's time!

It's time that we stood tall on the shoulders of our ancestors and the courageous civil rights leaders of the past. It's time for a civil rights movement that is ever moving and never void of momentum.  It's time for the reclaiming of our dignity and value.  It's time!